que sera, sera

Doris Day
Que Sera, Sera

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

----
I often still wonder, what will I be?
But now my mom is the one asking "what are you gonna be".
I still am a runner with too many races I can run, sprint, long, short, jump-
(I don't literally run, of course not).
But what will I be? A doctor (PhD), a writer, a social change agent?
All of the above?

I want to know, but maybe even though I'm over thirty, It's not time for me to know. Is that possible?

I only ask that God makes me ready to do what he will have me for. I'm open to . . . be.

Que sera, sera. Whatever will be will be. The future's not mine to see. Que sera, sera.

Available?

I think I'm available but maybe I'm not. I am waiting for a good man to come into my life. I am waiting for a good job to steal me away. I am available but I think I'm just not looking in the right places. I have no good prospects on either front. I know that at some times in my life, I thought I was available but I really couldn't stand the sacrifices. Turns out I wasn't all that available after all. But now I think I am. Granted, I haven't sent out many resumes, but I update my resume weekly. I admit, I haven't been "out there" where men are, but WHERE ARE THE MEN? I think I'm available because I see myself differently than this present reality. I know, you're thinking "stop waiting and start doing". Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I need more specific advice. I need leads. I need connections.

So what to do?

I'm ready

I'm ready.

Stuck for so long
forgetting how strong

I use to be
I gotta be
I need to be

I long to forget
all the things I regret
I can hardly re-set

my spirit

stuck for so long
forgetting how strong

I am

I'm ready

Watch me

I'm back, Baby!

I'm back to blogging. At least for today. :) I have finally figured out how to make my work day fly by- ha! Just kidding- I'm not blogging at work- I'm checking email like everyone else.

Ha ha ha ha aha.


Gotta go check my email.

-your girl,

Cas ;)

Secret Sponsor

Okay. I have been trying to live my life according to The Secret. You should know about The Secret, I blogged about it a couple of months ago. I have even gone so far as to enlist others to form a kind of Secret cult (I don't let them think that I'm culting them of course). Basically, I try to encourage others to think positively and to see greatness in themselves. In turn, they can see greatness in me and encourage me. Win-win. A nice community of supportive people affirming greatness, prosperity, humility, and good-will. Attracting positive feelings, behaviors and results. You may even say that we act as sponsors to one another- like AA or NA.

The Secret helps us to not be addicted to Drama and Foolishness. Really. When you're addicted to Drama, you can have different symptoms. There's the Drama addict who is constantly looking to be the center of attention, the spotlight in something that is actually quiet superficial or jack ass-ish. She or he makes her own life miserable by performing a never-ending dance of "whoa is me", or "oh no he didn't!".

Then there's the Drama addict that gets a kick out of watching the antics of the Drama Queen, the Spectator. "She's so stupid", "I don't even want to hear about them fools . . . then what happened?" This type of Drama addict may even really have most of their own sh*@t together, but they are curious about how the other half live and perform. This is dangerous because it could lead you to want to try the role of Drama Queen for your self. From Spectator to Queen.


And Foolishness. Yeah, we can't forget foolishness. This also has a two pronged addiction. Those who are fools. And those who wish the fool was being beaten with a whip. The Fools are the whiners, the passive aggressors, and the lazy bastards. The Whip-lashers are the one's who dream of setting the fool on fire (harsh- I don't mean it- don't call the cops). The Whip-lashers want to whip the fool, but they also can't stop rubber-necking (hence the whip-lash). They want to know if he will ever stop trying to slide by on life; if she will ever just shut up; if they will ever just leave me alone.

Yes, I get the Whip-lash on occasion and I need to call my sponsor. And they say things like "look away", or "know that you are already away from this person", or "think compassion". These are all Secret vocabulary used among those of us who know The Secret.

It's not easy. It requires daily meditation and lots of prayer. But The Secret helps us to remember that we must ask God for the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And He will give that to us. Ask, believe, receive.

Join today.

Writing again

I know I haven't been feeding the appetites of my blogger fans lately, but I have been writing. I am recommitting to my daily writing in the morning- kind of like journaling. I guess it is journaling, although I hate that word.

I am trying my best to write more. I started writing my qual paper for school (again). I have been working on my novels (yes more than one). And I should also get active on my blog again. They are all different types of writing. They take and give a different energy. I am hoping to reawaken my creative muse. I think she took on a new client when I went incognegro on her. But I want her back. Writing really does feed my soul. The problem is that it makes me hunger more as well. The more I do it, the more I want it. It is like a drug in that way. You may think that this doesn't sound like a real problem or anything. But you're wrong. When I really get into it, I'll write well into the night. I then wake up exhausted and don't won't to go to work. I get to work and think that I'd rather be home writing. I guess I have to figure out a way to have a writer's lifestyle, like Hemingway who got up early and wrote until just before noon and then spent the day being social. What a life. I suppose selling a novel could help me move into that lifestyle of a writer. Be a writer.

I have too many things that I want to be. I think it's okay to be most of them simultaneously. I just need to start being.