All out of love

Why is that when we experience tough times we turn to listening to the music that makes us cry (or want to hurt somebody)? Every now and again I get that lonely feeling and instead of calling a friend or someone to take me on a date (there's always a fall guy), I turn to my IPod or YouTube. I don't just want to hear "if you think you're lonely now" or "lately" (both Jodeci songs), or my favorite: Air Supply's "All out of love" ( I love the 80's although I was not dating then) . . . I don't just want to hear it, I want to see it, watch the video on YouTube. No, that's still not enough. I use my internet browser to open a new, simultaneous window so that I can Google the lyrics and sing along (often sounds like wailing). This way I am assured that the depth of my longing is actually properly reflected by the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HejVjzhKTY

Any way, I'll get over it. I always do.

It's quite ridiculous, I realize. . . after I get my S@#$ together and keep it moving.
HA! ;)
I can be such a girl sometimes.

All out of Love, by Air Supply

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know


Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong


I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone


Chorus


Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?


Chorus(3x)

Early Riser

I would have never thought of myself as an early riser. I would never have thought that I would consistently naturally wake up before 7:45 a.m. Yet suddenly I find myself wake at 6:30 in the morning, before my alarm clock even threatens to ring. Somehow, whatever dream I'm dreaming turns bizarre (every time these days) and I wake up and it's 6:30 ish. But sleeping again for a half hour or even hour doesn't cross my mind. I rise.

Now I should also say that I continue to be what I would consider to be a night person. I'm no mistress of the dark, I'm not walking about town at 3 a.m. or anything. But I generally feel like I have something to do, watch, read, or write until damn near midnight. Even my friends on the west coast have put their babies to bed by then and are themselves getting ready for the next day's whatevers. So I'm in my bed at 12 ish, and then 6:30 rolls around. and . . . I rise.

I am aware, faithful reader, that you are probably thinking "wtf, why is this even a big deal". To you I answer "kma, I love to sleep". :)) (As you can see I'm finally learning text messaging language short cuts. Ha!) But any way, I digress- what you don't understand is that my natural body clock use to require nine hours (yes 9) of sleep in order for me to awake naturally, and not want to cuss anybody out. I don't even mean that this was my pattern ten years ago. I'm talking up until several months ago. If I slept for 6 or 7 hours, I needed 2 or 3 hours to warm up before having a friendly, civilized interaction with anyone, man, woman, or child. There are people still living that can attest to this. Yet at 6:30 . . . I rise.

I rise and I bake chicken and cook rice for later! I rise and run the dish washer! I rise and . . . blog! What I am saying is that I rise and I am productive, not fully or partially brain fogged- as I would have expected in the past. I don't even feel particularly upset if someone calls me up and asks me something that could have waited until 10 am (that use to be the official "ok to call Cas and not be treated with cold indifference" cut-off time, Sunday to Sunday).
Yet even in a room purposefully designed and decorated to minimize sunlight, I rise.

Why am I so concerned? Maybe I should be happy that I am able to get up, be productive, go to work (and try to be productive), go through my entire day doing stuff and whatever, and go to bed and sleep for 6 hours versus 9 and not feel like the walking dead. I have lost 3 hours of sleep and gained 3 hours of living wakefully. 3 extra hours of being and doing. Hmm. Sounds good, I guess. But, this is not a good sign to need less sleep. People with babies adapt to less sleep, and older adults adapt a need for less sleep. Yet I, a young (ish) person with no babies ought to be sleeping! I think it is possibly not good for one's health to sleep six hours and feel okay about it, and not fall asleep at work or during dinner or in the middle of a conversation. Suddenly, I am becoming an early riser!

I don't know, but I don't like it. I had been praying to God to help me be more dutiful in all of the things I have put on my plate and somewhat neglected. I guess this is the answer to my prayer. I guess God thinks I need 3 extra waking hours if I'm gonna get it all done. And so . . .

I rise.